TVPast Forums - And Darren McGaven as the old man

if you were like me and millions of other this Christmas season, then you watched A Christmas Story. For me, one of the brightest spots is watching Darren McGaven as the old man. He has to contend with a crappy furnace, a crappy car, obnoxious dogs from next door, and the destruction of his major award. Yet, he still manages to not be jaded and gives his son a Christmas gift he treasures.

I was asking around to see if anyone could make out what he was saying in some of the scenes, and somebody was kind enough to respond with lines from the actual script. I thought it was very funny and wanted to share it. Here it is

It's what's referred to as the "clean cuss," invented by old Western side kicks like George "Gabby" Hayes. ("Dadblastit!) They did it to keep the film clean so the kids could watch.

From the script:
Furnace Battle #1: "AH, BLASTED! YOU TWO BLURT RATTLE FLAT CAMEL FLIRT. YOU BLOTTA BRATTLE BEAST JERKOFF BRAT. STANA ONCE SAT BRADA, FRADA RADA RADA... (Older Ralphie chimes in here)... SMELLY WOMP WUSSLER. DRAB DUMB FRATIN' HOUSTICAL FIFER!

End scene.

Changing the tire scene: "HAHAHA! AHHH, ONE, TWO, THERE WE GO! YOU OLD SON OF A GUN, GETCHA MOT DIRTY MONG BLING BLING BLANG BLANG..THERE WE GO AND...! (Ralphie's hand smashes into the hubcap holding the bolts).

End scene.

Final Furnace Battle (#2): "YOU FILTHY PISTON HELCKIN! YOU WHIP MAUKER, SMELLY WOMP BUSTER. GRAB DUMB FRATIN' HOUSTICAL FIFER! (COUGH, COUGH) YOU BLADDER PUSSKNOT GRAP AH. YOU DORTIN DONOBADO. YOU WART MUNDANE NOODLE! YOU SCHOTTIN SHISKIFASKAFA. YOU SNORT TUNGER, LAY MONGER SNACKA SHA COCKER! (Leg lamp smashes, Mr. Parker walks upstairs.)