tech support jokes
 

Saw this on another site....


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... Sorry...

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Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

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Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as n Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

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A woman customer called with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?
Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.

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Tech support: Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager.
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Oh, the stories I could add! I used to manage a group of network support guys, who were the first line of support. Sometimes what the techs said was as funny as the customers remarks. Here's what happened just a few weeks before I left:

Tech: Yes, ma'am, your new password is EUROPE
Customer: Can you spell that?
Tech: Sure. That's E and in Edward, U as in Uterus.....<long pause> (There was a huge amount of laughter by the other techs when they overheard this. The customer was laughing as well!)
Customer: Let me guess, your wife is pregnant?
Tech: ...Yes, ma'am. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking...

She was fine with it, but of course I suggested a list of common names to reference when spelling out something on the phone...no body parts!

For all the techs out there who put up with all the crap at work with users who don't know how to operate a computer, here's a good way to end the call and close the ticket:

So the Tech, after spending a good hour on the phone with a customer, finally got things to work, and the customer was anxious to find out what had happened:

Customer: so what was the problem?
Tech: it's an ID Ten T issue.
Customer: what's that?
Tech: go ahead and write it down on a piece of paper

Customer grabs a pen and paper and proceeded to write: "ID10T"


END

Sorry, I can't tell a freakin' story.

lol I like that one.....here's a few more...

How many technical support staff does it take to replace a light bulb?
Only one, but you will be put on hold for thirty minutes.
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Customer: I'm having a problem installing your software. I've got a fairly old computer, and when I type INSTALL, all it says is 'Bad command'
Tech Support: Ok, check the directory of the A: drive. Go to A:\ and type dir
Customer: here is a list of file names including INSTALL.EXE
Tech Support: All right, the correct file is there. Type INSTALL again
Customer: Ok. (pause) it still says 'Bad command'
Tech Support: Humm. The file is there in the correct place. It can't help but do something. Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the Enter key?
Customer: Yes, let me try it again. (pause) Nope, still 'Bad command'
Tech Support: (now really confused) Are you sure you're typing I-N-S-T-A-L-L and hitting the key that says Enter?
Customer: Well, yeah. Although my 'N' key is stuck, so I'm using the 'M' key. Does that matter?
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Customer: I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word
Tech Support: Tell me what you've done
Customer: I typed 'A:SETUP'
Tech Support: Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says on the disk
Customer: It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'
Tech Support: you should insert the MS Word setup disk
Customer: Which disk is that?
Tech Support: Did you buy MS word?
Customer: Nope...
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Customer: I need help unpacking my new PC
Tech Support: What exactly is the problem?
Customer: I can't open the box. I don't even know where to start.
Tech Support: Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there.
Customer: Uhhhh...ok, thanks.
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Customer: I get an 'Access Denied' message every time I log in.
Tech Support: Ok. Please, make sure you have typed your username and password correctly.
Customer: Yeah, they are correct.
Tech Support: Ok. Type them again. (pause) What did you get?
Customer: 'Access Denied' again.
Tech Support: OK, let's try once more, but now use lower case letters.
Customer: But, I only have capital letters on my keyboard.
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Customer: I'm having problem closing this dialog box here on my screen.
Tech Support: Ok, in the upper left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?
Customer: dang! How can you see my screen from there?

True story: my dad for awhile taught senior citizens how to run very basic PC programs and functions... I mean, really really basic. One old gal had never used a PC or seen a mouse before, and when presented with a mouse, she picked it up off the desktop, held it in her hand and pointed it at the monitor, while pressing the buttons... ah, no... it's not that kind of remote control!